The Burden In March
by Rain Young
Summary: Kaori Miyazono has everything. A home. A family. School. But she's about to lose the most important thing in her life: Kousei Arima. With the impending thought that he will die from a surgery he chose to take, she walks onstage towards the piano, not for herself, but for him. And she will have to make a sacrifice. She must carry a burden. For the one she loves. AU/KaoriXKousei
1. Chapter 1

The Burden In March

 **Towa Hall, Nerima Culture Center, Tokyo, Japan. 3:35pm.**

"There's no point, is there…?"

I sit in the white corridor just mere meters away from the stage's side entrance, on one of the cushioned black and silver chairs leaned on the right side of the wall, clenching both of my pigtails. My violin rests on my white-material lap, like a boat in front of the waterfall which was my face. I can see the tears hitting the edge of my black rimmed glasses, slumping to one side to fall to the ground while some of the remnants stay inside, filling the lens like a puddle. My eyes were red from the nonstop crying that's been going on for the past hour, after I had went to see _him._

 _Dammit, I shouldn't be doing this. My opening is in literally a few minutes, and I'm sat here like a child that's lost their mom at the mall. I can't be doing this. I CAN'T._

I sniffle, the rush of water being heard from my nose as I tilt my head up slightly and put my hands under my chin, releasing the tight grip from my hair and covering my mouth in a cup, the river of fluid now going down my digits like a waterfall.

 _I don't want you to die. I really, really don't want you to die. For the past year, you've been so distant away from me, like you thought I was an elephant in the room, but that really wasn't the case, was it Kousei? No, you wouldn't have been so… I don't know! Clenchy towards me. You WANTED me there, but you acted all so quiet and polite. So tell me, Kousei Arima…_

 _For the past eleven months, why the hell have you constantly tried, and admittedly, you are, to be the greatest_ _ **friend**_ _I could possibly have?_

"Hey, you okay?"

I quickly took my glasses off with one hand, wiping my eyes with my naked right arm, and looked at the blurry image of the boy standing next to me in the middle of the corridor, my eyes narrowing.

 _I feel like I've seen him somewhere. He sure has taste with that hair, that's for sure._

I put my glasses on again with both of my hands this time, steadying it on the bridge of my nose, connected to my ears. I got a pretty good look at him now.

 _Oh. It's that kid. What's his name again? Takeshi?_

"Kaori Miyazono, right? What's the matter?"

"It's… It's nothing." I blinked twice, my eyes still red from the painful wail. I shift over to my left, politely offering him a seat.

"Thanks." He sat next to me, his posture a little calm but one could tell that he was obviously nervous from all the music and the audience's murmurs from outside. He looks at me, a little wary of why I've been crying for the past few minutes. "So you're just crying for nothing, then?"

I lean over, my elbows hitting my knees fall down, my face facing my white heels on the floor. My eyes begin to shut, stopping halfway, sad.

 _I don't want to be reminded. I'll start crying again._

"...It's my friend… He's undergoing surgery and I'm… Scared."

He tilts his head to his left as he looks at me closely. "Scared?"

I lower my head even more, a single gulp heard from my throat. "Scared that he might.."

 _...Die…_

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"But this person is special to me. Special in a lot of ways."

"Like…?"

"He's… Actually the reason why I'm here right now. When I was little, I went to a piano competition. There was a boy who you could tell, was so new to the world of music, yet he was trained for it his whole life. Heck, he… Accidentally knocked over his chair." I chuckle, sniffing a little, trying to ease up.

"But once his fingers felt the keys of the piano, I felt like connected. Not just to music, but to him on a personal level. He was incredibly talented, and he could make me see what music can create. The world, filled with colour and love, all came from that one little boy."

Takeshi seemed to be a hell of a lot more interested now, scooting over a little and lowering his head so he can see my face from below. "He was that good? What was his name?"

"...His name is Kousei Arima. And I love him." I managed to crack a small, but depressed smile. His eyes and his mouth widened, almost shocked. To be honest, I think he knew exactly who it was, but I didn't have enough time to enquire why, either. I then hear a creak on my left, seeing a man come out of the entrance of the stage with a board in his hand and a headset on his skull. He cleared his throat and without even bothering to look at me, he announced:

"Kaori Miyazono! Please proceed to the stage!"

I stand up while I hold the violin in my hands and tighten my fists, attempting to hold myself together for this one, last song. I breathe in, and I exhale, my eyes closing as the wind escaped my mouth. I look down from my right and nod at Takeshi, right before I turn. "Thanks for the talk, Takeshi. That really helped."

Before he could say anything else that could distract me from what I'm about to do, I quickly head into the doorway, the stage lights colouring the floor gold from across the deck while I'm in the darkness of the curtains on the side.

 _Huh. That's actually kind of symbolizing. The world being bright and colourful while I'm stuck in the darkness, feeling like crap._

I sigh, putting my attention towards the black piano in front of me. I shouldn't be wasting time like this, but… Goddammit. I can't stop thinking about him. The silence of the entire stadium was broken when my heels tapped the floor with each step that I took towards the seat, slowly coming into the audience's view. I didn't bother to look at them, it was customary. But I could tell they were all looking at me, and my ears absorbed the comments I was getting as I walked to my chair.

' _...Kaori Miyazono…' '...Her dress looks creased…' '...Stand up straight, girl...!' '...Has she been crying…?'_

 _Oh. Well, I'm sorry that my friend is in the hospital, taking something that could potentially end his life earlier than what it's already getting to._

I don't think I noticed this at first, but I think the world around me began to slow when I was walking to the piano, like as if I was walking super slow and the audience decided to oblige to my pace.

 _...He's been through… So much in his life. He can't give up. As much as how quiet he is, deep down, he's been fighting for his life. He's been so alone. Sure, there's his father, but where the hell was he when his mother beat the crap out of him? Or how he's lying there right now in that bed, waiting for the oxygen? Oh yeah, on 'business trips'. Deadbeat._

 _Kousei Arima, when I come back and I see you there, all better, I'm… I'm not going to let you be alone anymore. I promise you that._ _ **I won't leave you.**_

I turn to the audience in a 90 degree angle as soon as I reached the piano, bowing to my spectators in respect, greeting them; not as a human being, but as a violinist. The stage lights illuminated my body like a trophy, along with the stage.

/

"Elohim, Essaim, Elohim, Essaim."

"What?"

We were on the top floor of the hospital, namely the roof. It was currently the cold month of February, which was surprising, considering Tokyo's yearly snowfall ends at the end of January. I was leaning over on the balcony, hanging my head on top of the railings to look out into the city, which had a clear layer of mist halfway up the skyscrapers. It was almost beautiful. I looked back towards the pianist, who was quietly sitting on a chair comfortably, his hands on his knees. His hospital pyjamas were a cyan blue, which glowed a little in the snowy weather. He didn't seem to care about how his toes curled in the flakes below him. It was almost as if he was watching a stage play.

Was I the stage play?

"Elohim, Essaim. I think it means 'God Of Swarms', a Christian term."

I scoffed at him slightly, surprised at his religious phrase that popped out of nowhere. It sounded so… Poetic. "I never took you for a Christian."

He simply smiled back, shrugging his shoulders while his head tilted left, slightly. "I'm not. Watari gave me something to read while I was in hospital."

My smirk slowly turned into a polite smile, and I pushed myself off the railings, turning myself towards him, almost towering him with my somewhat tall stature. "Why did you just flat out say it?"

"I don't really know. I guess the words stuck to me." He used the strength of his upper body to shift himself to the left, offering a seat to me, patting it to brush off some of the snow to make sure my skirt didn't get wet.

 _I wish he would think for himself and stop caring, sometimes. I guess that's just the way he is._

Nodding, I relaxed myself next to him, taking almost the same kind of position he was in. I turned my head towards the right so meet his face, the steam of my breath being released into the cold air. "Maybe it's a saying for something. Swarms spread, right?"

"And they come from a single source from many. Like…?"

"Like music!" I exclaimed, smiling at him and understanding the true meaning behind what he was trying to imply.

"Exactly. Music empowers all who listen to it. If they were kind enough to stay there and listen to it from start to finish, that music will live in their hearts forever." He closed his eyes, sighing softly. "And that means the musician themselves will love in their hearts, too."

I tilt my head in suspicion, now having more questions rather than answers. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"I'm going to try some form of surgery soon. I don't want this to end, Kaori, even though I know it will, eventually. I want to play with you one last time, either on that stage, or in my house or yours, I don't care. But…"

"...But?" I asked him slowly, my mouth open slightly from the sudden news that was just told to me.

 _Surgery? More time? Kousei, I know you're dying, and I know you're becoming desperate to do everything before you're gone, but… Me? Why do you want to play with ME, again? I've done so much to you. I've hit you, made you buy canales for me, and before I even knew you were sicker than what I thought, I made you ride that bike with me behind, and you looked… Weak. You looked like you were becoming peaceful, when you seemingly had no reason to?_

 _...Why don't you hate me?_

"The operation has… A lot of risks involved. And if it goes the wrong way, I might have less time rather than what I have now. Or maybe time taken away from me completely." He gave me a sorrowful expression, seeing that what he's just told me is going to take a toll in the next few hours, or days.

"Kousei, what you're saying is just you providing me an excuse as to why you want to live. If you want to live, do it for your family." I told him straight that he needed to live because of more than just me. A single person cannot influence those that know they don't have that much left to lose…

...Can they?

"Kaori…" He puffed in the cold air, looking down at the pristine, clean floor tiles, at the here and there cracks. "I don't even know what a family feels like anymore. I…" He inhaled deeply, and exhaled, preparing for a speech that if he goes on for too long, might actually hurt his chest, considering his illness. I didn't even know what the hell he was sick FROM, I just cared enough to wonder if that could happen to him.

"...When I was five, my mother's teacher saw me playing the piano. She looked at me, like as if she had saw something that she hadn't a long time ago. She told my mother she should teach me, because she thought that I could have the potential to be a lot like her. Maybe even better. She taught me to be kind to the piano. That if I played it roughly, it would become angry, but if I played it softly and calmly, it would sooth it. And then she… Became sick."

"Sick? Like, mental sick, or ill sick, or emotionally..?"

He gulped, regressing through his memories. Some hurt him, some calmed him. It looked like he was almost on a tipping point in his thoughts.

"...All of those. She found out she was dying. She couldn't control her legs anymore, so she wound up in a wheelchair. She was okay at first, but I think she started to realize that I wasn't getting any faster the way she taught me, so she… Started beating me. She wouldn't let me go to bed unless I memorized every single note on a music sheet. And whenever I made a mistake, she-"

I put a hand on his shoulder, realizing where this was headed, and I absolutely implored him to stop. I didn't want him to feel like that, not now. But something also told me that he wasn't going to back down now. "Please, you… You don't need to say anything you don't want to, Kousei. Please-"

"No, no! It's… It's okay. This is something I had to deal with my whole life, so it's not something hard to deal with. She… She left marks on my arms and back…" He lifted his sleeve up slightly, and a line of pink scarring on his flesh. It looked old and worn in, but… Dammit. He wasn't joking. Not that I assumed that he did of course, he's usually serious about these sorts of things.

 _God… That's horrible. I can't believe he didn't tell me…_

He attempted to let out a chuckle as his sleeve lowered, instead, hacking out a cough. He covered his mouth politely, while his other hand clenched the silky material on his chest.

"...I tried to do right by her, you know…?" He looked to the floor, his eyes gray and not showing any signs of reflection of the floor. "A little boy that tried to make his mother love him as much as she could. And when he failed, he kept on fighting." He sighed. "I don't even know why I didn't go to Hiroko when she started beating me, or even the police…"

He was cut short when he felt a hand on his leg. He looked to his right to see me almost inches away from his face. His entire body suddenly went limp when I scooted over and brought him in for a hug, my arms wrapped around him as hard as I could. Kousei couldn't see what I had on my face, but he definitely knew it was there. It was sadness, culminated from his imagination of years of having to go through hell, time and time again, just to make some woman 'Happy'?

"Just stop it! Just… Stop fighting!"

Kousei was surprised at what I said. I could hear a slight release of wind from his mouth, I couldn't tell if it was from the shock or the crash from my body. I grabbed onto him even harder, trying to further emphasize my point.

"Listen to me! You have no right to blame yourself over anything, because you haven't done anything wrong! Nothing! You were just a little boy trying his best to numb his pain, not for you, but for her! She has no justification over what she did! You knew that, but you did it anyway!" A crystalline waterfall began to drop down my eyes as hard as they would. I sniffled, both from the cold air and the whirlwind of anger and sombreness.

"Because that's the kind of person you are, Kousei! You're the most awesome person I've ever met! Even when everything starts to fall apart, you always try to put people first! You're generous- You bought me canales with what should've been your lunch money! When my partner was sick during the competition? You decided to walk on stage with me without a second thought, and sure, we didn't win, but you didn't care! You WANTED to play with me, regardless! You… Out of all the people at school, you asked me if you wanted to be my friend…"

"We… We never got on at first, sure, but that's because you were always so quiet. Then I began to see who you really were…"

He saw my face when I retracted back, he could now see the emotions behind my glasses.

"You're my best friend…"

 _...If that was the truth…_

Kousei's eyes tilted to where my collarbone should be, and he went silent for almost half a minute. I began to wonder in that short span of time. Did he feel the same way? Not about the whole best friend thing, but… How I really felt.

"...If I was in your shoes… Would you be the same way?" I grossly hinted at what I was feeling behind my lies, but I don't think he got it. He touched my fingers with his, and I looked at him, puzzled. Slowly, they both rose up together, and our hands were connected, almost perfectly in symmetry. My mouth went agape. I didn't mind that he was touching my hand, I was wondering as to why he was. He's done things like this before. I didn't understand it at first, but then I realized that there was a bit of symbolism behind all of it.

 _What are you trying to tell me, Kousei… Please… Just say it._

"Of course I would. **No matter when, where, or how. I'll always be there for you.** "

I smiled at him, sniffing slightly and chuckling. I didn't bother to tell him thanks, he already knew I was. I sighed and looked at the gray sky, tiny snowdrops touching our skin. "We better put you back to bed. I'm surprised that the staff even let us go out in this weather." Kousei then opened his legs, awaiting transportation via piggyback ride, the goof.

"Come on. I'll walk you home." I smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

The Burden In March

 **Towa Hall, Nerima Culture Center, Tokyo, Japan. 3:40pm.**

My firm hand on my violin released as my performance ended. The shutters of my eyes opened up to see the audience's mixed reactions. Some were bored, waiting for one specific performances, while the others clapped politely, applauding the show I have given them for the day. My instrumented arm fell to my side and I bowed my head, hearing the palms of their hands crashing together over and over again. The hard part of the day was done now. I had to get back to Kousei. He's supposed to have the surgery scheduled for tonight at least, so I'd best let him know that he and his friends have their support for him. Tsubaki, Watari, _me._ I left the golden stage, walking at a much faster pace than usual. I wanted to go see him as soon as possible.

 _Alright. I'm not going to stick around for the results, I'll just get someone to pick them up for me. It's time to head to the hospital. I might have enough time to buy him something before I get there, I'm sure he'll-_

I exited out of the blackness of the back of the curtains and out of the door, only to see Watari and Tsubaki sitting down together, with one of the staff kneeling down and talking to them. The short haired girl was being cradled by the boy beside her, who had been seen as a lot more sombre than his usual cool attitude. I saw the stains of wetness on his chest. Had… No, IS she crying? So many questions flowed into my head like a flood in a submarine, and I began to panic.

 _Tsubaki? Watari? What… What are they doing here? I wasn't gonna meet them for an hour or so, why…_

"Tsubaki- Watari? What… What's up? Why are you crying?"

 **I already knew the answer. I think in that moment, I was in the definition of pure, absolute denial.**

Watari turned his gaze from Tsubaki onto my Arian features, and he stumbled on a few of his words, trying to find the correct way to announce what he was going to say. And the way he was stuttering like a madman made it seem like it wasn't good news. "Kaori, I… It's…"

Tsubaki looked at me with one eyes turned away from his chest, while the other stayed, as if she was a shy baby that refused to look, except her eyes looked like they were burned with steam. She was in a much worse state than the boy aside her, who kept his calm. She gently but shakily pushed himself off to stop herself from wailing so much, and then stood up to meet me. She looked horrible. Her hair was messy and there was notably a bandage wrapped around her head. Did she have an accident?

"Kaori… Kousei is dead…"

…

 **Miyazono Family Bakery, Natsuki Avenue, Tokyo, Japan. 1:07am.**

I lie on my bed, my face smothered within my pink pillow. I didn't feel anything. Sadness… Rage… Grief… Nothing. I lived in that moment Tsubaki told me Kousei was gone. That _my_ one and only Kousei Arima had been lost. He apparently died while I was in the middle of my performance. As for why Tsubaki had that bandage around her head, Watari explained that she fainted and hit her head on some table, as she was the one who held the phone which the doctor described Kousei's condition. I didn't care, that wasn't important to me. Wounds and scars can heal.

Kousei can't heal. Because he's dead.

My grey eyes and my still lips still stared at the sheets. From the outside, I looked like I was still. Unmoving. Emotionless. But inside, I felt like chains had wrapped me up, and I was struggling to get out, such as the realization that my loved one had passed.

 _Without me…_

I was able to break free of my chains thanks to a knock that had hit on my door, and I shook awake from my horrible dream. I looked at the door that was the entrance in and out of my bedroom of darkness, seeing the yellow outline of the edges. I noted that my parents were still awake, and they were also fully aware that I was too. I heard my mother's voice.

"Kaori?" She sounded more sombre than usual. Obviously, she knew the circumstances that had befell upon me mere hours ago. They knew Kousei before he died. I invited him to the bakery to try out some of the confectionaries that I made as a hobby, while my parents did as a business. They understood the concept of music, as my mother had once been a violinist, before me.

"Yeah, it's open.." I replied, my voice sounding dull. Need I explain again, why I feel like this? I don't want to constantly be reminded.

She opened the portal to my bedroom, and looked at me within the doorway. Her arm was resting on the side of the door, gripping onto it, almost as if she was grabbing onto me, when you think about it. "Sweetie. Are you feeling better?"

I frowned at her and then rolled onto my side, looking at the wall. Did I look like I was feeling better? No. It's all horrible. At least I stopped crying. "No."

Out of my vision, she walked over to my resting place and softly laid her hand on my arm, stroking it, motherly. At least that somewhat helped. Any good cure for godawfulness was having someone to comfort you. Especially one's mother.

 _...Did he feel her? Did he feel her comfort him before he…_

"Kaori. I know you knew him better than I did. I know I have no right to talk about him, considering what's happened earlier. But I could tell that he was a sweet boy. A gentleman."

"Why do people like him die mom? Why did he have to go and leave me behind?" I kept a clear head when I was speaking to her. She helped calm me down, and in turn, swept all away the clouds of grief. I could hear her sigh.

"It's complicated, sweetheart. When people are destined to die, it can be for all sorts of reasons. He died of a disease he could not have stopped Kaori, it wasn't his fault or yours. Please don't blame yourself over what happened."

I quickly tilted my head up to the side to look at her with my one eye, and it squared at her. "I don't blame myself. Mom, I'm not stupid. Of course it's not my fault…" Obviously. "But…"

"But?"

"I wish… It could've been me."

Mom didn't say anything for a second. She took a couple of moments to think about what I just said. Of course she would scold me for wanting myself to have been taken by death's touch instead of him, but I think she understood why. I wasn't trying to be dramatic. "I don't have anything I think I can say. Like I said, you knew him better than I ever did, and that won't change. But you were with him until the end, Kaori. That's important, isn't it?"

I nod slowly. Yeah. I was with him until the end. I wish it wasn't the end though. I genuinely wanted to take care of him after he was done. Hell, I would've spoon-fed him if I had to. But that can't happen. It won't ever happen.

"Anyway… I received this from the hospital, they told me to pick it up. They said it was for you." She dropped something on the table next to my bed. It was a letter with the name 'Kaori Miyazono'. I looked at it closely when I saw the paper, my arm holding me up on the bed.

"A letter?"

"I think it might be from Kousei. I'll leave you to your privacy." She kissed the side of my head and smiled at me. I think she had the impression that he must've wrote me a love letter of some kind, as teenagers and such do. She turned around and walked out, closing the door behind me, upholding the end to her promise. Turning on the lamp that was right next to the letter, I brightened up the room for good reading vision. Furthermore, I put on my black glasses and held the letter in both of my hands, eying my name on the envelope.

 _You… Left this for me? When did you have the time to write this? And for me, specifically? Surely, he's left others for his friends too?_

I realized that I didn't care by the time I ripped open the paper container to reveal the note, folded. I think it must've been in A4 size if he decided to write something for me. I unfolded the mysterious writing, gulped.

 _Whatever you wrote in this… Thank you, Kousei._

' _Dear Kaori Miyazono…'_


	3. Chapter 3

The Burden In March

' _Dear Kaori Miyazono. It feels weird to be writing a letter to someone when only in a few minutes, I will meet you once again. I don't know why I should meet up with you exactly. Out of circumstance, or out of something else. You've taken that effect on me quite well._

 _You're kind, spirited, and talented. Like a child that I have known long ago._

 _I am not sure if you were that girl, but when I was on a stage nine years ago, there was a beautiful little girl in the audience who smiled, unlike the rest. She wasn't smiling at the music. She was smiling at me, unlike anyone else I have known in my life. When I bumped into a chair stupidly, you didn't care about it at all. I think you liked how stupid I was, funnily enough._

 _And yet… I quit playing the piano. And it wasn't because my mother died. It's because she kept haunting me, and despite me wanting to shove all of the fame and reputation aside, people still recognized me for who I was then. Not who I am now._

 _But you weren't like that. You didn't see me as some piano prodigy. Some puppet. A robot. You saw me as a friend behind all of that darkness. And thanks to you, the weight of my mother's shadow had been lifted. I had never felt more happier than being with you. I don't think I knew what it was back then, but I think I know now._

 _You're kind, spirited, and talented. Like a mother was before darkness enveloped her._

 _When we went to the same junior high, I didn't want to talk to anyone, and no one wanted to talk to me, save for Tsubaki and Watari. But throughout every single person in that school, you wanted to be my friend. You saw a genuine interest in who I was. I know it wasn't easy for us to talk at first, but no matter what, you kept wanting to. And over time, I began to trust you. Thank you, Kaori._

 _I had surgery shortly after my mother died. I then realized that what she carried was genetic, as she apparently had the disease long before I was born, but that the chances of it being passed on to the child were extremely low, so she took a chance. Unfortunately, fate brought it over to me as well, and I collapsed in seventh grade. I was treated as an outpatient. I couldn't go outside unless the doctors were absolutely sure I was able to without a problem. I think I was more in the hospital than I was out of it. I don't see the point of dad renting that house for me anymore. That was more of a summer home to me than it was my actual home. School wasn't a problem for me, I could get the education from inside, but… That still didn't help the fact I knew I was going to heaven soon. But before I did… I wanted to do something. I wanted to do anything I wanted so I had no regrets. And most of all, that included something important._

 _I wanted to spend my last moments of my life with you, Kaori. You helped me so much. You helped me move past my mother's death. You smiled and hugged me when I felt down. You sat down and talked to me while I was rambling on in bed. You didn't have to, but you did it anyway. And for that… I thank you, Kaori._

 _Tell Watari I'm sorry. I wasn't exactly there as much as when we were children. I could easily say that it wasn't my fault, but in truth, I lived out my off-days in bed when I could've easily gone to his soccer tournaments._

 _Tell Tsubaki I'm sorry. I know she had feelings for me, but I never felt the same, mutually. Tell her that eventually, she will find love, and although it will be without me, I will always cherish the memories I had with her, and to make new ones with someone else._

 _When I met you, you were so… Content with life. That you had everything you could ever want. Friends, family, happiness. Your voice was shouty, as if you constantly wanted to spin around and sing. It's as if you had something you always wanted to say to the world. You were much more of a person than I ever was. You kind of reminded me of one of those classical dancers from an old 50s musical. It was special._

 _Heh. I remember when you wanted to jump off the bridge with me and I politely declined. In retrospect, I wish I had held your hand on the top and jumped into the water with you, like some crazy person. I suppose you remind me of that too. Crazy, but in a good kind of crazy. I also remember when we both practiced together, and even though I knew the piano practise would've been for nothing in the end, it actually meant something. Despite my pleads not to play it, you wanted me to, so badly. And it wasn't because it was for the sake of me playing it because my name was Kousei Arima. It's because you wanted to hear the melody of joy that played nine years before then. I loved seeing the way you smiled in joy. I will always carry that smile in my heart, now and forever. The train? Thanks for being my pilot in the race to see who was faster. And singing Twinkle Twinkle under the starry night? It was the night I realized how beautiful and precious life can really be. How one person can shape another. And you did just that. Thank you, Kaori._

 _Isn't it funny how the most unforgettable moments can be so trivial? What about you? Was I able to be the person who you imagined to be? Was I able to be the Kousei Arima you saw on stage nine years ago?_

 _Do you think you'll remember me, Kaori?_

 _Please don't ever forget me. That's a promise you have to keep, forever and always._

 _I'm glad the one I got to spend my last moments on Earth with was you._

 _Will I reach you?_

 _I hope I will reach you._

 _Kaori Miyazono…_

 _ **I love you.**_

 _ **I love you.**_

 _ **I love you.**_

 _I'm sorry that I didn't pay you back for the cakes you brought me. I'm sorry that I didn't talk to you and tried to ignore you for a while. Sorry a million times over._

 _Thank you. Farewell, Kaori Miyazono._

 _P.S. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to enclose something for you to remember me by. Hopefully, the memories of our friendship was enough._

 _Kousei Arima.'_

...The moment I had saw the name at the end, I had lost all sense of sanity for a second.

 _Kousei Arima loved me?! HE LOVED ME?! WHY DIDN'T' HE TELL ME?! Why did he have to be selfish and leave his feelings out until the second?!_

My eyes instantly flood with tears, and gripping the paper while being careful not to accidentally rip it up, I toss it to the floor of my bedroom and grab my head, screaming. All of my feelings were being let out, almost by force. My voice rang throughout the whole house, and it must've shook my parents and neighbors awake. But did I care? No! Kousei Arima loved me and he never told me!

 _ **He LIED to me!**_

 _I want to go back! I don't want this to be over! I want a second chance to be with the one I love most! I want to be with Kousei Arima, the love of my life!_

 _I don't care if I have to burn everything to the ground, I don't care how many sacrifices or whatever it would have to take in order to see Kousei Arima again! I want to be with him again!_

 _I don't want him to end like this! Give me a second chance! Please!_

 _I don't… I don't want this to end. If it meant sacrificing myself to save him, I would gladly do it! Over, and over and over!_

 _Please… Don't let him die like this…_

I had begun to calm down, and I let go of my hair. My eyes were burning to the point of looking like tomatoes. I breathed in, and began to slowly, while convulsing in my chest as any other person would while they were upset, begin to regain my senses. My eyes opened again, and through the tears… Something was different. My legs didn't feel like they were on sheets anymore. The thing I was on felt cold. Like marble. I looked to the floor and realized I was sitting on it a lot more closer than I thought. But this wasn't carpet. This was marble, like the kind you would see in a city's monument or something. I slowly look to my surroundings. I wasn't in my bedroom anymore. I was somewhere else. It was dark, cloudy, and it was drizzling a bit, as if I was in a cloud.

 _What… Is this? Where am I?_


	4. Chapter 4: End

The Burden In March

 **?, ?, ?. ?**

"Wha… What?" I stared in awe of my surroundings, which, I assumed to be inside some kind of thunderstorm. Dark, misty clouds were as far as the eye can see, with jolts of lightning spraying out from time to time. It looked like something out of some sci-fi anime. I could also feel a water shower above me, hitting my hair with cold water but not enough to make it messy.

 _This sucks._

And then I thought: _Am I dreaming?_ Was it even possible to acknowledge that you, yourself, are in a dream, sleeping in some comfortable bed somewhere? Whatever I assumed, quickly got shoved out of the way by the sounds of footsteps on the stone floor. I looked to my left to see…

"K… Kousei…?"

The familiar figure came to a halt. Kousei smiled, more than he ever did when he was still alive. His hair wasn't gray like it was before, it was black. Healthy black. He wore a uniform, almost the same exact one from school, a ash gray blazer with matching pants, a red and white striped tie, and a light blue shirt. But that didn't matter. I didn't stop to look at his appearance fully because I was running to hug him. I grabbed him, embracing him with everything I could. My head rested on his shoulder, my eyes widened by relief, almost trying to push the temptation to cry.

" **Are you real…?** " Of course, he wasn't real. He felt real enough, but that's a part of dreams, really. They're good at persuading you.

Kousei chuckled and put his hands on my back, hugging me. I got off his shoulder and held both his hands, staring at him in relief. Something seemed different. He WAS Kousei, but he… Didn't feel like it after that. It was almost as if he was a different person.

"Yes, Miss. Miyazono, I'm real. But I'm not Mr. Arima." He was being polite and courteous, referring to us both by our last name, than our first. If, reader, you did not know, it was sometimes rude to talk to a lady in Japan by their first name unless you knew them properly. "I'm more of a… Representative." That kind of explained why he looked like him. After all, it was a dream. I could've taken the form of a cat if I wanted to.

...I think.

"What do you mean?" I let go of him, unsure of how to respond.

"It seems that things are a little… Cloudy for you." He chuckled, putting his hand over mouth, obviously gesturing to the area. "But here!" He put his hand back down, and, using only a wave of his limb, conjured a small table with two chairs, almost as if it was a booth for one of those fancy coffee shops. On it were two cups of tea, hot to the point where steam emanated from the mug. "I've brought you refreshments to help gather your thoughts."

I didn't know what to think of this. First, I found out Kousei was dead, then got his love admitted, and then woke up in some spirit world of all places, and now… A tea set, with the same person who died, yet he claims he's not really Kousei. Only three words rang in my head:

 _ **What. The. Hell.**_

I decided to go along with his offer. After all, it was impolite not to, considering he just… Materialized it. "Uh… Thank you…" I pulled up a seat, sitting down and setting myself in. My arms rested on the front of the teacup, relaxing. Likewise, he sat down in the other seat.

"Now, I'm sure this is… Awkward for you. But I will explain what this all is."

Sharply, I talked back to him. "Yes, yes you should. I've had a reeeeeeally good day so far." My arms crossed, a little more fumey than usual, given the circumstances.

"I'm aware, Miss. Miyazono." He picked up his tea, looking into his orange reflection. "Tell me. How much do you care for Mr. Arima?"

My head tilted to the side a bit, a little skeptical of this. "You did all this just to ask me that?"

He then looked at me, smiling. "Oh, not at all! On the contrary… I've seen everything. What you two have done together in his last year in the world." He picked up a teaspoon and gently mixed it into his brew. "You've given him something he hasn't felt ever since he was a wee lad. You gave him love, unconditionally."

"...Yeah. I guess I did." My expression turned into a sad one, being reminded of the events that transpired earlier. I then picked up my respective tea. "I loved him too, you know. I don't think I should be afraid to admit that, considering what you've just told me."

He then closed his eyes behind his glasses, chuckling. "That's very kind of you…" He then sipped his beverage. "But you know… All of this doesn't… Have to be." He said, hiding behind a puzzle he created in that very moment.

"...I wish it was me."

"Hmm?"

I sighed with her head down, and proceeded to gulp the rest of my tea, albeit slightly painful because of the hot steamy water rushing down my throat. Finishing the beverage on short notice, I then sighed, putting the cup down in front of me, fast, but softly. I wiped her mouth with my arm's sleeve and then locked my eyes onto the fake Kousei.

"I wish it was me who died. Kousei didn't deserve any of it. He didn't… Live a life. I don't even know why I feel like I need to explain since you already know…"

His smile faded, interested in what I had to say. "By all means. While I can witness things, I can't read thoughts. I'm not _that_ godlike."

I chuckle a small bit, blushing. Even if this wasn't my Kousei, some of it still stuck onto me. I then nod and close my eyes, looking down, smiling.

"I guess I'll start again… I wish it was me who died. Looking back on who he was, he was… Deprived of emotion and want. Sure, he was at peace with the fact that he knew he was gonna die, but I think that's because he also knew he never had a life to begin with. And… Self reflecting here… Me and him were like polar opposites. He had nothing and I have everything." I then lay my head on my arms, sighing. "And that's why I feel like crap."

Fake Kousei then looked down for a second at the table, staring at a flower inside the pot that separated us. He then inhaled, and then exhaled.

"...Are you willing… To **lie** to him?"

I then look up to him, interested in what he meant.

"You really want to save Mr. Arima?"

I stared at him for a few seconds, and then slowly nodded.

He then smiled back. "Allow me to explain… You will wake up as a seven year old once again. You will carry take a burden, and carry the disease as if it was your own. You will be fated to be in the same situation as he was once. But he will have the life you wished to give him long ago… He will be reborn, with color in his world."

The thunderstorms in the background became still and silent. The gray had become lighter, and I had stared at him for almost a full on minute. Pondering on my decision. Was he saying really the truth? Would I really be able to save Kousei? Did I even have the right to? Finally… I gave an answer.

"...Yes." I sprang up from my chair, inhaling, and then exhaling. "I will take his burden. If it's the only possible way to save Kousei Arima, then I will. I **love** him."

Suddenly, the world around us turned into a heavenly white, and the table disappeared. Smiling, Fake Kousei then walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I lied about the reading thoughts thing. But I can't force people to make decisions either."

I grinned, not holding anything back anymore. "I know."

"I also know what you're going to repeat…"

I chuckle. "So? He did it to me."

"You know what, Kaori Miyazono? You're one interesting girl."

The light enveloped us, petals fading us out. My mind went still for a moment… And then echoed. I knew these were my last moments free before I gave my life to the one I love most, and I wondered…

 _Kousei Arima… I'm sorry for being so selfish. But even if we aren't destined to stay together for the rest of our lives, I'm giving you the life you deserved. You can live on… Without me. You'll… Be able to date Tsubaki. Have a few laughs with Watari… Share rivalries, and teach children the piano… But even if I'm not going to be there… I want… To live on through you._

 _You know what's funny Kousei?_

 _What I'm going to do? It's your lie in April. Even if I'm gonna go through this whole changing fates thing, I'm gonna have my back on you soon!_

 _Just wait…_

 _I'm coming Kousei._

 **FIN**

Hello! I'm the author of this AU fanfiction of Your Lie In April, my favourite anime/manga. While I realize this last chapter may seem a tiny bit… Rushed, compared to the other chapters, I wanted to express my gratitude to anyone who supported this little series. Even the ones who didn't review. But I need to explain why Your Lie In April really connected to me that no story ever has. I need to explain… Why it's important to me.

YLIA represents that love exists everywhere, even in places you can't see. It's a tragic love story about a boy who falls in love with a violinist who sadly has a disease who later dies.

YLIA teaches you a lot of things.

The most important being to always appreciate life when it still lingers. And if they have to go, never forget them, no matter what.

It also teaches you that in everything, there is beauty. If you are sad, alone, or depressed, and everything looks gray… You will find happiness one day.

It may not be today, or tomorrow, or the day after that, but there will be a day where you realize that you need to pick up the pieces and go back to where you started. To enjoy life because some… Don't have that luxury.

It taught me something too, personally. You wanna know what that is?

Well… Before I watched it, as much as I did good to people, to be kind, generous, and helpful, I… Did some bad things. And obviously, I can't forget those, but what I can do is atone. But that isn't the point I'm trying to make.

I reflected on myself and I wondered if I was really the example I wanted my mother, father, nan, and friends to look at. For that image they see, is true. I wondered essentially, if I was a bad guy for what I did, and if I was a bad guy for the rest of my life for it.

But after I watched it, I cried. I cried because I genuinely cared about the characters. I cried for nearly two weeks. That never happened in my life.

I learned… That I had a heart.

Well… Thanks for reading! Please leave reviews for feedback! Spread love and Godbless.

YLIA represents that love exists everywhere, even in places you can't see. It's a tragic love story about a boy who falls in love with a violinist who sadly has a disease who later dies.

YLIA teaches you a lot of things.

The most important being to always appreciate life which it still lingers. To hold onto your loved ones. And if they have to go, never forget them, no matter what.

It also teaches you that in everything, there is beauty. If you are sad, alone, or depressed and everything looks gray... You will find happiness one d

YLIA represents that love exists everywhere, even in places you can't see. It's a tragic love story about a boy who falls in love with a violinist who sadly has a disease who later dies.

YLIA teaches you a lot of things.

The most important being to always appreciate life which it still lingers. To hold onto your loved ones. And if they have to go, never forget them, no matter what.

It also teaches you that in everything, there is beauty. If you are sad, alone, or depressed and everything looks gray... You will find happiness one d


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